Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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