i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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