Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
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Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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