dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
3 2 1 whiskey
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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