Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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