woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
