I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
