dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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