508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
