Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
