Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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