Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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