it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
