guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
