I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
