I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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