I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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