he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
