Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
