think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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