if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
