Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
