Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize