I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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