ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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