Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
