used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
