i permit you to call me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
