dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
