ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize