i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
