I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
