How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So much Jack, so little girl.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
