He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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