Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
