he puts the penis in happiness.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
