after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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