I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also, beer. Big fan.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
