whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
