no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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