the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
