I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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