He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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