I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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