I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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