Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
