just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
