You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my vag is so smooth its legendary
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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