I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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