Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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