come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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