Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
