that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
