my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
