just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
