Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
