Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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