I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize