i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was not drunk enough for that final.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
