farters have to be the big spoon...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
