i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Small penises have feelings too.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i need some magic done to my vagina
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
