There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
